My desire of perfection.

hikarusmall

 

I’ve been overthinking lately. Unfortunately my mind has, in a way, been devouring itself. Starting one thing, stopping it, then starting anew at something else. Why must I let myself spiral into this? Part of me is thinking that perhaps in a way my stress and sadness fuels my joy in some way. That this discomfort is my body and mind’s way of communicating to me that there is something else out there. That I have yet to break out of my shell, my mold, this skin that I have to deal with…

I shake with fear of this. Thinking about having to extend, bend and expand myself leaves me with a nauseous feeling. It is me being a coward. Because while I don’t fear growth, I fear mistakes. And I know my desire of perfection will be my main hinderance. I make an attempt to shout to the universe, to tell me what is best, only to realize that I stand alone in a dark, wet cave, and the only sounds I hear are the echoes of my own voices against it’s rocky walls. Yes, voices; I have more than one.

I beg myself to just continue, to not get distracted by feelings that will be long-gone by next week. To just continue.

Always,

r.


the title is “Un”.

model:hikaru

Becoming Myself

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“Becoming Myself”
Photo: Reylia Slaby
Model: Dagny Tarver

One thing that is often packaged with youth is the underestimated complexity of truly being yourself. The amount of pressure to act with a certain disposition to fit with the social mold can be excruciating, especially when it isn’t how you truly feel. We all handle this differently, but in my case, starting from when I believe to be around 18, I was inwardly panicked in most instances where people were involved. A cloud of angst filled my chest whenever I had to chat with someone I felt I couldn’t be myself around, especially those whom around I felt I had to uphold a certain image. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling like that, and it troubled me often. I didn’t have much peace until I expressed my worries to a friend, who responded in saying that I probably had some form of social anxiety. Somehow this idea was a relief to me. It felt like I now had something more tangible to work with.

Only until recently is when I felt the intensity of these feelings drop, and I can breathe more easily. I no longer agree with the motto that says I should act how I want to feel, (e.g smile and you will start to feel happy) but instead I simply act how I feel. There is no reason for a disguise; that because it is a simple human right to to be able to express when I am sad, uncomfortable, or happy, as long as my feelings aren’t destructive.

This picture is for this current stage in my life. I can feel my mask melt away little by little, and slowly but surely I am a little bit freer.

Always,

Reylia

P.S Thank you sooo much to Dagny who worked so hard to help me achieve this image!! You.are.simply.wonderful.


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Sofina (And mini update)

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H
ey you awesome people! How has your week been going? Any adventures? 🙂

Wanted to share an old photo I took of my beautiful friend Sofina, with a re-edit, and wanted to give a little update on my week, and my upcoming trip to the States! I haven’t been this excited in a while. Just the idea of traveling has me dancing around the room.

I haven’t left Japan in about 2 years, so a trip has been long over-due. So far the plan is to travel to L.A and San Francisco, but so far a lot of the plans are up in the air. I’m just looking forward to whatever comes my way along this trip 🙂

Have a great coming Wednesday!

Always,

Reylia