Day 5 | Plastic

curran

In Tokyo. Rush Rush Rush from the get-go. I hardly have any time. But I suppose that’s what I came here for. Even this image is rushed. To be honest, I really want to go to bed. It’s 1:00 and the bus ride here was less than pleasant (Although can’t complain too much of a 2,500 yen bus) .

Admittedly, it is sometimes its nice to be busy. It’s almost a romantic feeling until it’s paralyzing. I’ll do what I can to keep it romantic.

Always,

Reylia

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Recent Studio Shoot, Recent Thoughts

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Recently, I’ve been working with a team to create photography pieces in-studio. It is all-in-all a wonderful experience, though it can be conflicting. In the past, I had predominantly done Fine Art Photography, and lately it has been harder and harder to create within that realm. Almost as if I’m not quite ready for what that next step is. I am still preparing myself for what direction I want to go to. But I do know that I am starting to adore the sphere of fashion and beauty, and I am learning. Painfully so. I’ve spend so many hours staring at thousands of images in admiration, imagining the process of how it was completed, but only to have it like a skeleton in my brain, incomplete. I’ve been overwhelming myself with going over the processes, the possibilities. This dream, I’ve come to realize, has the capacity to destroy me. But when it doesn’t, I adore it. Creation is complex in that way, and in some respects contains elements of Stockholm syndrome. It takes you captive, gives you pain, but you stay. Perhaps that’s why I sometimes feel locked in, and unable to move.

In some ways, it’s a wonderful thing, to love something so much, that even when it hurts you, you choose not to leave. I’d like to think that that’s how you know when it’s real.

But admittedly I am fearful. I’m afraid of showing exactly how this field of mine controls me emotionally, and how it makes me feel. Its gut-retching to see everyone try to present themselves so confidently, whereas I quiver, so prone to honesty. When all I wanted was to just make beautiful things, and to not have to feel like I had to succeed online, have a stance, have a following. Popular on this social media, that social media, until it chokes you. It’s just so saturated that it’s painful.

But I hope that one day it can all come together and be beautiful. That even with all this excess, we can merge together and make sense of this all together. Can you imagine what a murmuration looks like? An enormous, overwhelmingly breathtaking flock of starling birds flying together in unison. Once you see it from afar, it makes sense and it’s awe inspiring. I hope that that’s what we look like as well, once you step away far enough. A flock of creatives, doing what they can, flying and soaring. Doing what they naturally do, with the by-product being beauty.

Always,

Reylia

© Reylia Slaby
Fine Art Photography
WEBSITE http://www.reyliaslaby.com
INSTAGRAM: @reylia.slaby

My desire of perfection.

hikarusmall

 

I’ve been overthinking lately. Unfortunately my mind has, in a way, been devouring itself. Starting one thing, stopping it, then starting anew at something else. Why must I let myself spiral into this? Part of me is thinking that perhaps in a way my stress and sadness fuels my joy in some way. That this discomfort is my body and mind’s way of communicating to me that there is something else out there. That I have yet to break out of my shell, my mold, this skin that I have to deal with…

I shake with fear of this. Thinking about having to extend, bend and expand myself leaves me with a nauseous feeling. It is me being a coward. Because while I don’t fear growth, I fear mistakes. And I know my desire of perfection will be my main hinderance. I make an attempt to shout to the universe, to tell me what is best, only to realize that I stand alone in a dark, wet cave, and the only sounds I hear are the echoes of my own voices against it’s rocky walls. Yes, voices; I have more than one.

I beg myself to just continue, to not get distracted by feelings that will be long-gone by next week. To just continue.

Always,

r.


the title is “Un”.

model:hikaru

Becoming Myself

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“Becoming Myself”
Photo: Reylia Slaby
Model: Dagny Tarver

One thing that is often packaged with youth is the underestimated complexity of truly being yourself. The amount of pressure to act with a certain disposition to fit with the social mold can be excruciating, especially when it isn’t how you truly feel. We all handle this differently, but in my case, starting from when I believe to be around 18, I was inwardly panicked in most instances where people were involved. A cloud of angst filled my chest whenever I had to chat with someone I felt I couldn’t be myself around, especially those whom around I felt I had to uphold a certain image. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling like that, and it troubled me often. I didn’t have much peace until I expressed my worries to a friend, who responded in saying that I probably had some form of social anxiety. Somehow this idea was a relief to me. It felt like I now had something more tangible to work with.

Only until recently is when I felt the intensity of these feelings drop, and I can breathe more easily. I no longer agree with the motto that says I should act how I want to feel, (e.g smile and you will start to feel happy) but instead I simply act how I feel. There is no reason for a disguise; that because it is a simple human right to to be able to express when I am sad, uncomfortable, or happy, as long as my feelings aren’t destructive.

This picture is for this current stage in my life. I can feel my mask melt away little by little, and slowly but surely I am a little bit freer.

Always,

Reylia

P.S Thank you sooo much to Dagny who worked so hard to help me achieve this image!! You.are.simply.wonderful.


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