Today my angst is back.
Photography: Reylia Slaby
Model: Hikaru @ Trouver Models Osaka
Hair/Make-up: Yui Hirosawa
On the train today I thought about death. Usually those types of thoughts only visit me when I am most vulnerable, that being when I am about to go to sleep. Although today at 4:00 in the afternoon while riding the train, it knocked on the door of my mind. Somehow this time, instead of being frightened, I found myself sift into a comfortable sadness. Perhaps being surrounded by strangers made me feel at ease, feeling a bond with my fellow people, knowing that despite our differences, there are always two things that we will always share with each other. Life and death.
Hi everyone! I have some exciting news to share!
This year marks Adobe Photoshop’s 25th anniversary, and in honor of it, the Adobe team has been searching the globe, looking for 25 artists under the age of 25 to create a piece in celebration of it. Among them are digital artists , photographers and even typographers. I’m super excited and honored to say that I’m one of the 25, and this is the piece I created for them.
To read more about adobes 25 Under 25 project, please check out the links below!
A HUGE thank you to the Adobe team, for all their support and advice, and a big congratulations to the other 24 selected! You guys earned it!
I’m also taking over adobes Instagram for about two weeks! Would be so wonderful if you could follow, like, and comment on there! Link below!
Also thanks so much to all my incredible friends, family, and viewers for their support and encouragement! You truly are my rock. And a shout-out to the model, Dagny! You were so amazing on the shoot! I can never thank you enough.
Here’s to 25 years of creativity!
Photo: Reylia Slaby
Model: Dagny Tarver
One thing that is often packaged with youth is the underestimated complexity of truly being yourself. The amount of pressure to act with a certain disposition to fit with the social mold can be excruciating, especially when it isn’t how you truly feel. We all handle this differently, but in my case, starting from when I believe to be around 18, I was inwardly panicked in most instances where people were involved. A cloud of angst filled my chest whenever I had to chat with someone I felt I couldn’t be myself around, especially those whom around I felt I had to uphold a certain image. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling like that, and it troubled me often. I didn’t have much peace until I expressed my worries to a friend, who responded in saying that I probably had some form of social anxiety. Somehow this idea was a relief to me. It felt like I now had something more tangible to work with.
Only until recently is when I felt the intensity of these feelings drop, and I can breathe more easily. I no longer agree with the motto that says I should act how I want to feel, (e.g smile and you will start to feel happy) but instead I simply act how I feel. There is no reason for a disguise; that because it is a simple human right to to be able to express when I am sad, uncomfortable, or happy, as long as my feelings aren’t destructive.
This picture is for this current stage in my life. I can feel my mask melt away little by little, and slowly but surely I am a little bit freer.
P.S Thank you sooo much to Dagny who worked so hard to help me achieve this image!! You.are.simply.wonderful.
the box, the box.
who opened you?
not I, said the heart.
nor I, cried the mind.
for the keeper of the key
had long since died.
the box, the box.
where feelings are stored.
who opened you?
you had vowed,
that you would never be
I’m feeling something new tonight. Disappointment never felt this sweet before. I realized that the more I embrace this feeling, the more it fades. It’s unfortunate that the same applies to people.
Self Portraits&poem by Reylia Slaby